


Sitting in Silence

by orphan_account



Series: 2nd POV Drabbles [7]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (well not really but kind of you'll see), Angst, Eating Disorders, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 08:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4822931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Summary:</b> Person A just wants Person B's attention</p><p>It’s not like you don’t mean to eat. You just forget sometimes, in between the bustling around trying to talk to people and the laying in your bed. Your stomach rumbles a lot but honestly that’s nothing new. Besides, you’ve learned to live with it, and you see the pudge on your stomach get tinier every day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sitting in Silence

**Author's Note:**

> aand on today’s episode of iris is unhappy and writes about her issues:

It’s not like you don’t mean to eat. You just forget sometimes, in between the bustling around trying to talk to people and the laying in your bed. Your stomach rumbles a lot but honestly that’s nothing new. Besides, you’ve learned to live with it, and you see the pudge on your stomach get tinier every day.

You stroke over the skin with your hands and you silently praise yourself for being so thin. You know society’s beauty ideal is bullshit, but you still feel the need to conform to it.

Somewhere in between the hollowed out cheeks and the sweaters that are too big for your body, your friend starts to get worried. He asks you if you’ve been eating enough. You smile and say yes.

It’s not like you don’t eat at all. You eat supper and breakfast, so you do eat. Just not in the afternoon.

He gets concerned, you can see it in the way he looks at you. Your other friends don’t see how much weight you’re losing and you don’t know if you want them to, but he sees it. He starts grabbing your wrist and rubbing his thumb over the bone and you’re not sure if you want to pull away and tell him to fuck off or if you want him to be concerned, because at least that means he cares about you.

 

* * * * *

 

Your mum finds out you’re not eating your lunch. She gets mad, furious even, and compiles a list of why eating is important. You roll your eyes when she gives it to you. It’s not like you don’t know why you have to eat, but you do eat. Just not as much as the average person. Does that mean it’s bad?

The second time your mum sees it she shouts at you and almost begs you to eat. You don’t get it; it’s not like you’re too thin. In fact, you’re healthily chubby, even the doctor said so.

You didn’t tell the doctor how your feet and fingers are always cold, because he doesn’t need to know. You also don’t tell him about the random trembling in your limbs sometimes, because it’s not like that has anything to do with eating food, right?

 

* * * * * 

 

You’re messaging him when you’re crying and he says he’ll be there in forty-five minutes. Your hands are cold and you’re trembling, but you go downstairs like nothing’s wrong.

Your mum doesn’t question it when you take him up to your room. You talk about how being autistic affects friendships, how you feel like a horrible person sometimes.

You don’t tell him about the eating because it’s not important.

 

* * * * * 

 

The worst thing about being you is the comfort-eating. Whenever you’re sad you grab the closest kind of food and just snack on it. It makes you feel horrible and the next morning you see that the slight pudge is getting bigger.

As a punishment for yourself, you don’t eat breakfast that day.

 

* * * * * 

 

Nobody sees how much weight you’re losing, when all you want is for someone to notice you. You don’t know if you’re acting out for attention, but you don’t care.

He sees it though, his eyes following you as you stand up on fragile legs. For some reason, you don’t want him to know. You don’t want him to know how fucked up you actually are. The only thing you really want is for him to care about you without feeling the need to do something to grab his attention.

 

* * * * * 

 

You tell him some time, when you’re talking on your phone. He’s on the other side of the city,  but he’s always there when you need someone to listen to you.   
  
You offhandedly make a comment about not eating enough. He ignores it like you didn’t say a thing and just carries on with the conversation.

You don’t eat at all the following day.

 

* * * * * 

 

Your fingers look like fat little stumps. The only reason why you don’t cut your nails is so they appear to be longer. You just want all of it to be gone.

As long as you don’t go overboard, there’s nothing bad about it right?

**Author's Note:**

> wow leave a like if you thought this was good tell me whose pov you think this was in bye i’m gonna cry now
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](http://demisexualhowell.tumblr.com)


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